Cheers!

Here's a sour goobye to the assholes and pain-in-the-ass' of 2005. And cheers to the next 365 days of fools, foolish policies, irrational behavior, stupid signs, bad humor, dumb luck, etc.

Pickup Truck Hell

I was in Florida last week for Xmas. I did a lot of driving along the east coast from West Palm Beach to the Keys and back. I could not get over the amount of white pickup trucks that peppered the highways like a loose shaker accident at a pizza joint. Further more these fools had the driving skills to match that of a 9 year old playing a new car game for their Xbox 360. The pick-ups would weave in and out at high speeds then slow to a crawl in the left lane. A few minutes later they would speed up again only to cut off a few people on the way to the far right lane. Sometimes their would be several doing this at the same time creating an almost jackass like motorized dance routine. When I rented my car at the airport and declined the insurance the clerk informed me that Florida was a no fault state. After having driven there for just under an hour that seems like a HUGE conflict of interest, or if not interest behavior.

To sum it up, watch your ass when you drive here. The hillbilly’s could give a shit about you and your car almost as much as they could give a shit about themselves and their pickups. One fabulous display of neglect was an old, 1985 Chevy s-10 that came within 3 inches of my front bumper while changing lanes from the far left to my lane. He had some beer cans in his bed and a huge sticker across his rear window that read “redneck”. Thanks for explaining.

Money Train

With a $1 Billion surplus we couldn't get these underpaid and overworked MTA employees a contract. They had to give us a fare break for a month and a half. This way just when we get used to a cheaper subway ride the rate goes back up. Keep your money. Pay your employees better. And Fix the damn trains.

Ladies Chill

It’s cold. It’s snowing like hell. It’s going to continue like this for the next 3 months. Put away your extra pointy, Prada heels and get some snowboots. I know you’re stylish. I know you are a modern women who commands power and authority with your uncanny grasp of fashion. I also know you ripped it from the pages of Vogue or Lucky magazine. What I really know is, I ain’t picking your dumbass off the curb when you slip in a grey snow patch and land yourself, and that fancy knee length designer down jacket that you refuse to button up so we can see your new non-insulated shirt/blouse that cost you $300 more than it should, in a five inch-half-frozen slush puddle.

Any girl can look pretty. But they ALL can’t look smart.

Return Roulette

Monday night I left work with a simple mission to return 3 items from 3 different stores. Luckily each store had a location in the same area and I was armed with a receipt for each item.

1. The Sprint Store: 23rd St. and 5th ave.
I walked into the Sprint store and saw about a dozen people standing around the store. There was no line and seemingly no clerks helping the customers. I took 2 laps around the store without any idea of whom I talk to about my return. Finally I interrupted one clerk that was standing with a customer and asked where the line is. She directed me towards a reservation desk. This is when I noticed the large flat panel screen above me with about a dozen names on it. I went to the reservation desk and told them my name. The women put my name on the board. I asked her how long it would be. She replied, “no longer than 20 minutes” 35 minutes late they called my name. I approached the clerk and told her I wanted to exchange my phone charger for one that works. She disappeared. Reappearing 5 minutes later she said she did not have one in stock. Typical. I then asked to return the charger. She said I couldn’t because I had purchased it over 14 days ago. I asked for a manager and she gave me the same response. The best they could do was write in red letters on my account something about priority. Supposedly when I went to a different Sprint store I would have priority over the other people on the list. This I doubted very much as I zipped my coat and headed out the door.

2. American Apparel: 23rd St. and Lex
I walked in with the intention of returning a T-shirt. I grabbed a new t-shirt off the rack on my way to the counter. Upon arriving at the counter 2 clerks behind the register were flirting with each other. The super cool hipster manning the register asked me if he could help me. I told him of my need to exchange the t-shirt and he said no problem. As he worked I glanced back at the two clerks flirting then I looked over my shoulder to see two other clerks, one wearing a rubber band as a headband over his greasy long brown hair. The other wore an old pair of ratty jeans and an American apparel ringer t that looked like it was 10 years old and stained with chocolate milk. The clerk handed me back my receipt and my new t-shirt and said thanks. Off I went but not before glancing one last time at all the American apparel clerks in their dirty, hipster clothes caring more about their pretentious, “I’m so different attitude” than about their job. I think I could have returned a used Kleenex stuck in a pile of shit and they wouldn’t have noticed.

3.The Home Depot: 23rd St. and 6th ave.
As I walked through the door the return counter was on my right. There was a man at the desk returning a few items and 2 people on line. 20 minutes later the clerk was still helping the first man with his return. I am not sure what the problem was but neither the clerk nor the customer had their shit together. I could have stepped in and trained myself on the system, made the return for the guy and for everyone else on the line in the time it took for them to complete the transaction. Other Depot employees kept passing the now11 person line without any reassurance that they were getting another clerk to help. In fact they actually said they were NOT getting us any help. 25 minutes later Lea arrived and opened a second return register. Displeased with her job and her life she begrudgingly called the next customer and began to help him with his return. As she called next again I stepped up to her counter to return some spray paint and a drill bit. The items were purchased on 2 receipts so this immediately confused Lea. She huffed and started punching numbers into the register. She scanned the receipts and then the items. She gave me my return receipt, pushed me aside and yelled next.

These three experiences are just another bit of evidence that proves customer service is dead. Companies that claim they hold customer service as a number one priority are full of shit. If it’s not REI or the Men's Warehouse your screwed. They got your money or your account and they couldn’t give 2 shit about you after that.

Happy Holidays.